The Key to Happiness [#5]

Learnings from the science of well-being

Most people are mistaken about what they will like and how much they will like something in the future.

Our minds are often poor at determining what truly makes us happy.

Most people think that a good job, money, and buying awesome stuff make them happy.

But the correlation of income and life satisfaction is very low.

Once you have your basic needs covered, happiness stagnates in relation to money.

This is a huge problem because it means that many people work hard towards something that won’t make them happy.

Happiness research shows that there are simpler ways to be happier.

I used to think that being a digital nomad was the best thing ever. I could travel anywhere and work from there.

Lisbon, Sri Lanka, you name it. Just hop on a plane and chill there for a few months.

But I was wrong.

Yes, the novelty was exciting at first, but some time into that lifestyle, I felt very isolated. Even though I was traveling with my partner at the time.

It dawned on me that this location freedom has its drawbacks.

And according to happiness research, I was right.

One of the strongest predictors of happiness is social ties.

Happier people have more friends, closer social ties in the family, and spend more time with friends.

They are less vulnerable to premature death, more likely to survive fatal illnesses, and less likely to fall prey to stressful events.

We are social animals after all.

If you leave a baby alone without its parents, it dies.

We need each other to co-regulate our hormones. Being together releases the neurotransmitters Oxytocin and Serotonin, which make us feel good.

The simple act of talking to strangers gives us an unexpected positivity boost and makes the other person happier, too.

Sharing experiences with someone else increases the happiness we get from them. Think about going to a concert alone vs going with friends.

It makes sense, and you feel it, too.

But why are we so disconnected nowadays?

According to research, we connect 70% less with our friends since the advent of social media and smartphones.

Porn and now AI girlfriends cut a lot of young men off from the messiness and rewarding reality of real connection.

Third places - places different from work and home - are disappearing.

We live more online than offline.

We chat a lot, but don’t experience a real connection.

Of course, there are more determinants of happiness, but social ties are the strongest predictor.

In today's interconnected world, it’s easy to be alone. How do we change that and increase our social connections?

Here are a few things that work for me.

Call an old friend

Our lives get busy as we get older, and you might not live in the same city anymore. But there are still the experiences and memories you shared.

Why not surprise an old friend by giving them a call and checking in? And maybe plan the next in-person weekend getaway ;-)

Investing in that social tie will make both of you happier.

Join an offline activity

It’s easy to escape into the digital world after a day of work.

I get it. I do it from time to time, too.

But instead of releasing cheap dopamine from scrolling on your phone, meet people in real life.

Maybe it’s a team sport, maybe it’s a weekly round of cards, or knitting together. ;-) Making it a routine weekly activity is a great way to do it, so you don’t always have to put in energy for planning and communicating with everyone.

Whatever it is, meeting people in real life gets you a juicy, feel-good hormone cocktail and builds social ties.

Invest emotionally in existing relationships

Don’t take the people in your life for granted.

Invite them for dinner, propose a joint activity, and be their emotional support.

Real connection starts where superficiality ends.

Speak the truth when a good friend asks you how you are.

Being vulnerable increases the opportunity to support each other and deepen connections.

Leave your phone in your bag when meeting someone

Too often, we escape into our screens when there is uncomfortable silence in conversation.

But then that’s it. We have gone into an artificial world that captures our attention. Our body is still there, but our mind is not.

“Wherever you are, make sure you are there.” - Dan Sullivan

Being present to someone, asking questions out of curiosity, and listening fully is one of the greatest gifts nowadays.

Give it often.

Talk to a stranger

It might sound counterintuitive, but science says talking to strangers makes you happier.

It leads to increased feelings of belonging, optimism, and self-esteem.

Even brief interactions provide a sense of community and broaden your social world, resulting in a greater overall sense of well-being and happiness.

Even though it can feel scary, chatting up a stranger often leads to surprisingly enjoyable and enriching experiences.

Relationships and social connections are the bedrock of a happier, more meaningful life.

Take one of the above to try out this week and see how it makes you feel. I would love a story of how you chatted with a stranger.

Happy regeneration,
Jonas

P.S.: There are obviously more things that make you happy. Most of the above came from ​this course​ on the science of happiness that I took 5 years ago. The learnings from that course had a big impact on my life and will continue to be part of the newsletter going forward.

If you enjoyed this newsletter, share it with someone who might need a boost in happiness.